It’s been close to a year now since my last post, and I’ve just started wrapping my head around what is now known as my new normal: a life without my wife after her passing from her diagnosis of Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer. I vividly still remember the night of her passing and the effects of not having her here with me. I miss her terribly and am having a hard time moving forward without her.
What I can say is that throughout this entire ordeal, my wife displayed strength that I’ve never seen or come close to understand as possible. She was the true definition of courage and inspiration. She dealt with everything in such an incredible and positive way that I wish I could just continue seeing her do for my selfish ways. And the greatest thing is that even at her weakest, she continued to be strong minded and steadfast in her beliefs, her faith, and her convictions. She fought long and hard and would continue giving direction even when she was unable to follow through.
This unwanted new normal of mine is now my reality that I struggle with everyday. I miss being able to share things with her, but mainly miss her being able to see how our boys are growing and developing into some pretty cool people amidst their growing into young boys. I miss being a family with her: being able to plan things, do things, and mainly talk about things…together! When you make a life commitment to someone, and it’s shortened, it really devastates your entire outlook on what the future holds and how to plan for it.
Now that this new normal is settling in, it’s hard to even come to grips with how to move forward from here. The decisions that await seem to have heavier repercussions than just moving things around for a better fit. now, it all continues to feel surreal, but most surprising is the understanding that although my wife is still with us spiritually, the physical aspect plays a heavy role in establishing the feeling that she’s no longer part of the decision making process of future choices. It’s very hard to comprehend, but I’m hopeful that little by little, I’ll be able to continue to move forward positively, and be the role model my boys need for their own growth and development.
I miss you Love!